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“The test of one’s decency is how much of a fight one can put up after one has stopped caring.”, Willa Cather
In the wake of another shooting, I have been feeling incompetent. My voice dies out in the bigness of this world. It doesn’t matter if I care, greater forces are at work. I have spent my whole life protesting, taking away the aggressive toys, and replacing the toys with tools that can build something good. I have been telling the ones who are angry that aggression doesn’t solve anything. They have looked at me, agreed with me so I would sign off on their release to freedom. Once out in the community they turn around and buy another gun.
I can’t teach them. I am an older women, easy to ignore and forget, easy to run over. My power was bought, my power is of the mind, I am educated, privileged. They don’t want to sit down and learn, study, compare. They want instant gratification. They want the surge that stills the emotion boiling in the brain. They want the moment of satisfaction when the perceived enemy lies still, gives in, lifts them out of the struggle. Wouldn’t you?
It’s humanity’s nemesis, the wild one inside the human, a force so powerful that it takes many barriers, many restraints, held by others, or built by the self to keep the force from escaping. I cannot control it alone, we all need to control it together, for each other, for ourselves. It is the war we have to fight with ourselves, the war we have to fight with our nature.
I have stopped caring. It hurts too much to care. My voice isn’t heard.
Still, I will fight the fight. I will post the crazy juxtapositions in our world, I will point my finger to the nemesis. I will sign the petition that will ban the guns in our state. I will create the petition that will ban the guns in my community. As a society we create no fly zones, drug free zones, why not gun-free zones? We have to put up the barriers, make it hard to get a gun.
If you are a woman like me, remember, Women with a voice are women with a choice.
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